What is wrong with me?

I'm sitting here trying to figure out so many things: what I want? What is wrong with me? Why don't I ever get the happy ending? I have so much going through my head that I can't separate anything. I'm not having boy problems because there is no boy in my life. No one interested. Don't have a crush on anyone. It's just me. I have so much to be excited about: I'm a PR chair for the BRP Residence Hall Council, rush looks like it is going to be successful, and I'm super excited for the pledge process. With all of this to be excited about, why am I so down? I have this weird feeling and it is really getting to me. I've had it ever since last night. I couldn't sleep much last night. This morning I was really off in Italian like I have never been that oblivious and disconnected in my life. I am even having trouble eating. Where did this emotional strife come from? I was happy pretty much all weekend and now I can't figure out what is wrong. Am I channeling someone else's pain? Or is it some suppressed emotions finally making their escape to the surface? Whatever it is, it has made my day a total drag and nowhere near as good as it could have been.

Needing this to change soon,
Ronnie

Embracing me!

Life lesson learned: I'm laying in bed just letting my mind wander. I thought about my first year of college and realized that I isolated myself, well part of myself, in a sense. I spent so much time exploring my queer identity that I lost sight of another part of myself. I'm more than just a queer person. I'm a queer person of color. Better yet, I'm a person of color period. I am black and I go to a University that has such a small African American community and I didn't take part in it at all. Why? The answer is I was afraid. I was afraid I wouldn't be accepted because I am queer. I know it is dumb, but that is how I felt. I didn't make those connection because I felt like I would be shunned. I guess that is why I meshed well with the queer community on campus because I was one of them. It didn't matter if I was black or not, we all faced the same struggles. Now looking back, yeah I face the same struggles of people in the queer community but also I face the same struggles as every black person on campus. It shouldn't matter if I am gay or straight. I'm still black and at the end of the day, that is what connects us. It's a small community and if I isolated myself from it. I shunned one part of myself for another and I shouldn't have done that. I won't do that ever again. I am Me and I wouldn't be me if it wasn't for all the different aspects that create my being. Ok Rant over. I'm finally embracing me!!!